For years my mother cooked low-fat, low-salt (tasteless!) meals for my dad. She likes to claim her conscientious meal prep added years to his longevity. She may be right; he has lived longer than any of his brothers. His longest-living sister is now 104.
Here at my house, my goal is for my parents to enjoy every meal to its fullest. This means I aim for tasty, colorful plates with lots of fruits and vegetables. But it also means I do not scrimp on butter, cream, salt, and sugar! At 89 and 90, with dementia and a very weak heart, my parents have succeeded at longevity. I now want them to succeed at mealtime pleasure.
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This afternoon I again invited my mom to do a crossword puzzle with me. I read the clues. She offered her best guesses. My dad and I chimed in only if she struck out, which wasn't often. She sometimes went on four- and five-clue streaks of right words.
But when she occasionally struggled for an answer, I sensed she thought the activity was testing her in some way. That is, when she didn't know the answer, she seemed disappointed in herself, her mind.
I want our game time to be engaging and fun. But I realized today that she might feel as if I'm quizzing her, testing her, trying to push her to higher mental functioning.
I do not offer crosswords to my mom as the mind-longevity equivalent to saltless potatoes. Reversing--or even slowing--her dementia is not really a goal.
I offer activities as I offer buttered croissants: pleasure.
I'm taking crosswords off the menu.
Enough.
Be well.
Write.
Allison
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