Monday, June 27, 2022

A Dark Day: June 24, 2022

When COVID hit in 2020, predictability was erased by a swath of the great unknown. I steadied myself by coming to the page--this blog--to focus on the immediate and the mundane. I recorded (mostly for my own sanity) the reality of my days. Doing so gave me purpose in a time that otherwise felt quite purposeless. My raison d'ĂȘtre, I told myself, was to pay attention. Notice the experience. Record it.

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I was standing at the kitchen counter Friday morning, June 24, 2022, when my phone pinged. I glanced down to see the headline: Supreme Court Overturns Roe v. Wade. 

We all knew this was coming. A draft of the decision was leaked nearly two months before. Yet my reaction surprised me with its visceral force: a gut punch. 

An hour later, after a run, I rested under a cobalt Iowa sky. I felt the breeze tingle against my arms. I sipped ice water. 

I had hoped immersing myself in these physical sensations would push back the feelings in my head and heart: sorrow and rage. 

It hadn't.

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Similar to March 15, 2020, I am unmoored. 

The world I've known has shifted with the Dobbs decision. I can vote, I can protest, I can contribute money. 

I will, I will, and I will. 

But maybe what I can do best is pay attention. And I can commit to words what I see and experience. My perspective as a 62-year-old woman (I was 12 when both Roe v Wade and Title IV became the law of the land), as a mother of six, and as a current teacher of high-school students can be offered (Offred?) here as simply that: one person's view as we enter what I expect will be a(nother) time of uncertainty, fear, and confusion.

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That is why I'm here blogging again. If I'm wrong, and the Dobbs ruling is only a tiny blip, I will praise every small pot-bellied god. 

However, I'm betting that our current Supreme Court will continue to hack away at what many of us came of age believing were inalienable rights. 

I am here to record my observations while paying attention. 

I am also here to pay attention to my personal reactions and feelings. Consider this not objective journalism, nor an attempt to sort through the layers of politics and religion that brought us here, but instead an open diary--something Offred-esque. I will simply record my experience and observations. 

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On Saturday, June 25, 2022, one of the 30-somethings in my life mentioned she had donated $100 to an organization that helped fund women who must now travel out of state for abortions. 

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Later that evening I had dinner on the deck with two more young women within my circle. The Dobbs decision worked its way into our conversation only tangentially. I don't believe we were avoiding the topic so much as finding respite for a few hours. The wide Iowa sky and good food offered a graceful pause.  

But within 10 minutes of their departure, I had donated to Planned Parenthood on their behalf. 

Be well.
Enough.

Allison