Who's the adult here?

Two weeks ago a troubled and troubling student cussed at a young colleague of mine. The teacher, not yet 100 days into her career in education, responded as the adult: calmly, responsibly. The incident was de-escalated, the student was escorted to the office, and learning was restored to the classroom.

When the teacher met with me an hour later, she processed the episode: why the student had lashed out, how to smooth the class's frayed edges after such conflict, ways to manage her own hurt feelings.  In other words, she handled the confrontation with maturity.

"The ability to manage your emotions and remain calm under pressure has a direct link to your performance," says columnist Travis Bradberry Forbes Magazine article titled "How Successful People Stay Calm," reminding me of the mantra: The one who is calm is the one in control. 

My co-worker's  incident was fresh in my mind when later that day I read about Donald Trump's Twitter attack on Chuck Jones, the union leader representing Carrier workers. Jones had challenged Trump's depiction of saving jobs in Indiana by saying Trump had "lied his ass off." 

Trump, in response, used a firehose to put out a birthday candle. He took to Twitter to blast Jones for having "done a terrible job of representing workers." His next Tweet blamed the Union for the job drain to Mexico.

What's happening here? According to presidential historian Robert Dallek, Trump's response was "beneath the dignity of the office." 

Perhaps even more worrisome is the chill cast by Trump's repeated failure to understand his role as adult-in-chief. Central to the definition of "bullying" is using imbalance of power to harm another. Or as Mirriam-Webster says in its definition of "bully": 

a blustering browbeating person; especially :  one habitually cruel to others who are weaker

This isn't to say that Jones's "lied his ass off" insult wasn't rude. It was. But it was also legitimate for Jones to call out Trump for what Jones said was false representation of the job save. (See "Democracy" and "First Amendment.")

But significant here is the imbalance of Trump's response, Tweeted to his 17 million followers, which then set off a deluge of "threats and other harassing calls" to Jones. 

Trump is poised to take the most powerful position in our country. He has now outsized all of the kids in the sandbox. He doesn't get to play here anymore, and he certainly doesn't get to throw sand. Trump has the biggest pulpit in the world. His insults are amplified to a roar--which is why we expect a president to be measured, thoughtful...adult.

And this brings me back to my young colleague. As teachers we are constantly weighing our imbalance of power. We out-size our students with our age, education, positions of authority. When confronted with make-us-mad moments, we are called upon to be the ones in control.

If America's teachers can refrain from lashing out in anger against those who might insult us, I'd like the president to hold himself to as high a standard.

If my 23-year-old colleague can do it, so can Trump.