Nov. 10, 2016 - The Me Students See

When I was diagnosed with breast cancer 11 years ago, I remember thinking "Ah! So this is what a cancer diagnosis feels like." It gave me a surreal feeling that combined "This is unthinkable" with "Hey, I'm still me."

My feelings yesterday were not dissimilar: "So this is what it feels like if Trump is elected president"--balancing "This is unbearable" and "Okay, here we go."

I wore jeans and a "Got First Amendment Rights?" t-shirt to school--comfort clothes. I admit I called most of my students by the wrong names and finished only a fraction of my sentences. But I was functioning with 5% brain space because I had boxed up the 95% of my mind that isn't ready to look at this American Tragedy square on yet. I got through the day.

Before our daily sharing of news in Intro to Journalism, I reminded students that we've been watching extreme emotions swirl around the election for months. Regardless of the outcome, we knew Nov. 9 would see either half an electorate fueled by anger and shouts of "fraud," or half an electorate reeling with fear and dismay. We got fear and dismay.

As is always the policy in the J room, we discuss news objectively and without bias. There is no ranting. My job is to teach clear thinking. Walking the journalist's walk three times a day is an interesting exercise in modeling objectivity. And if I'm doing it right, within the walls Room #408, students don't know my personal political choices.

Still, it surprises me when students ask point blank who I vote(d) for. I answer with a wink, telling them that a beauty of our democracy is a private voting system. But I always wonder: Can't you tell? Is there anything about me as a teacher, as a person, that would make you think I'd support a xenophobic, misogynistic hate-monger? Or if not that, would I fall in line behind incivility, name-calling and flagrant celebration of ignorance?

On Nov. 10, I am standing taller, with a new sense of urgency. I am resolved to bring my responsibility as a role model to the front of my consciousness. Students must see me up-standing daily;  they must see me "go high" as often as possible; they must hear me call out the dangers of mockery and vile language used to degrade and marginalize individuals or groups of people.

My cancer diagnosis lit a fire under me. It caused me to live deliberately and more authentically. Trump's election has done something similar. I will be a better teacher, a better person.